I don’t write much about raising gifted children these days because I’m still living it. Also, a few years ago after the school principal advised that the best way to get my older son the challenge he needed was to homeschool, well, I just lost my mojo. In retrospect, I kinda wished we had homeschooled him, but no life decision takes place in a vacuum. There is no edutopia, but there are trade-offs. Maybe we made the right ones.
Or not.
At any rate, the school recently experienced a good deal of administrative turnover due to a retiring superintendent and a principle who got a newly minted advanced degree and moved on. I’m willing to call it good turnover in that these were natural progressions, it’s not like the former folks quit or there’s a revolving door. That kind of thing really stinks for a school community.
So even though my oldest is in high school and my baby is an 8th grader with one foot out the door just a week into the school year, I decided to schedule a meeting with our new principal and student services director to talk about gifted issues. My hope is that things will be better for parents who come after me.
They were good listeners and offered appropriate and politically correct answers. There was some discussion- Why did we pull the boys from the private gifted school? My immediate response included the money (even the boy we carpooled with once said, “Yeah, my parents don’t know how you can afford to send two kids here.” Little kids are fun like that.). Almost $15 K per child times 2 children? Ouch. But there was the issue of value, the craziness of the culture when we were there, lack of leadership, and more.
The peer group at that school was great in many ways, but fifteen thousand dollars is a lot to pay for a peer group. Also, there was a mass exodus around the time we left, so the peer group argument was limited.
Meanwhile back in public school…
I shared a few thoughts about the positive aspects of the school and summarized my chat with a follow-up note on key points because, um, I might have gotten carried away sharing some of the more outrageous anecdotes from the previous administration.
At any rate, without getting all ranty,
here are a few things I believe about gifted children and education:
- If either of my boys was as far below the curve as they are above it, they would be getting special services from the school. Can you imagine the parent of a child that far below the curve being told to homeschool to best meet their child’s needs?!
- Gifted programs are not “extras” or treats, they are appropriate educational interventions.
- For some kids, especially those at the leading edge of the gifted continuum, being with like-minded peers in regular class is helpful, pull-out classes are even more important and some need differentiation even within or beyond those pull-outs.
- For kids at the leading edge of the gifted continuum, age-peer grouping in overrated and sometimes undesirable on social, emotional and academic levels.
- Kids who are not challenged are cheated. It gives them an overinflated sense of themselves at a young age and leads to lazy habits. Rather than learning to cope at a young age, such kids are hit hard in high school or college, not performing as well as they could or should be thereby leading to a lot of emotional as well as academic distress.
- I ended by asking them to schedule a teacher in-service that addresses the myths and realities of gifted kids as well as discussion on “twice exceptional” kids and highly and profoundly gifted kids and how different they are from typical students.
Have a few minutes? Check out my archived posts on gifted education.
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Ah, Kim, we have so been there! I’m sorry you’ve struggled with this issue as well, but I give you kudos for trying again.
Years ago I was also told by our principal to homeschool to meet my kids’ needs. This was after we had painstakingly but successfully advocated for a 2-grade skip; I think she was tired of working with us.
We did end up homeschooling for four years, skipped him up another grade, and participated part-time in the public schools whenever possible. My son, now 13 is back in school as a high school junior. This time around (like you, with a new administration), we’ve been very successful, and he’s super happy. I hope that this is your outcome as well.
If it helps you, I have a couple of posts of my own about our gifted advocacy work. And if there’s anything I can do to support, please let me know. I’m assuming you know of the Davidson Institute? Fab folks there – a wealth of support.
http://gwynridenhour.wordpress.com/2011/01/04/journeys-with-gifted-kids/
http://gwynridenhour.wordpress.com/2012/04/18/out-of-the-box-education-planning-for-profoundly-gifted-children/
http://gwynridenhour.wordpress.com/2013/05/30/the-grand-acceleration-plan-graduation-at-14/
Thanks for asking for professional development for the teachers in the school to help break through the myths and misconceptions many hold for high ability children – great idea and I wish more parents would know that it is okay to ask for that!
Thanks, Gwen. We’re almost at the end of the road here and it’s been a crazy trip–one that I would do very differently if I had a chance to take it over again. Alas, I can’t, but I like to share information to help other parents along their journeys.
Thanks for the links; I’ll check them out. Yes, we are very familiar with Davidson. We even considered moving to Nevada for the Academy at one point.
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Oh, Kim. We are like carbon copies of each other. I just met with our superintendent…after having to meet FIRST with school director, principal, curriculum chief and assistant superintendent (in that order…and one at a time). I got a pat on the shoulder. I. Am. Fuming.
In the meantime, they actually attempted to put BG in a pre AP computer science class this year. Apparently, the fact he made a 5 on the AP test last year didn’t play into their block schedule correctly. Tell me – where is the appropriate education in that?
As if that weren’t bad enough, he isn’t taking math this semester. NO MATH. Because he can’t take Calculus as there’s a cap on the number of AP classes a kid can take before his junior year and he’s hit that cap.
The first key is in the word “profoundly.” Gifted education works for most. Twirl does really, really well in GT as the school defines it. Then, there’s this other group. The second key is in the word “funding.” There is funding for the lower end of the spectrum, and none for the upper end. And it’s not just a lack of funding. Schools here in Texas are essentially punished by losing out on tax dollars when kids are accelerated.
If and when you find the magic sauce. Please let me know.
Outside of the Davidson Academy or a flexible school administration (which is really a matter of luck), I think homeschooling is the closest thing to a magic sauce. As much as the suggestion to homeschool made/makes me bristle, I think she was right.
Of course, I think it wrong that while our school pays tens (maybe hundreds) of thousands of dollars to get other types of special needs students the instruction they need, there’s no money {really the issue is that there is no legal mandate to make the money avaialable} to send my kid back to the private school (whose faults I might have accepted more readily if it wasn’t such a financial hardship because the school certainly had its good points). Heck, I had to drive my kid back from the high school to the junior high each day when he took math there (a situation the new admins have remedied, thank goodness!).
Sadly, MoM, I have heard several other stories about students with extremely high math abilities who have been held out of math class for a year because of school rules. This is ridiculous.
There’s so much talk about the importance of STEM. That your child is being held back in math and computer programming is a national tragedy because I know this story is playing itself out to some of our brightest kids across the US.
Oh man, we would all do things differently. You’re involved and supportive, and clearly an advocate for them. Second guessing and potential regret are such enemies to the soul – don’t we all know! I support your instincts to just be where you are.
I really appreciate your sharing this post.
As a homeschooler who came to it b/c of a food allergy but now writes about and works with gifted/2e families, I want to give you a high-five. Parents need a variety of quality options to help them. We need great schools of all stripes and I wish no one would have to feel “pushed” into any choice because of a failure of their first choice.
I am a friend of Debi P. down here in Texas, and I see why she raves about yo. 🙂
A. Hindsight is always 20/20. Would of, could of, should of can play such mind games on us. As someone who has always homeschooled, I’m often worried that I shouldn’t have. As you say, there is no edutopia, only doing what you can in that moment.
B. I agree with all that you say. Not even as the parent of a gifted child. I hear you, and I hope the schools hear you. It’s crap that somehow being gifted means that the school doesn’t have to challenge you or cater to you.
I hope this is a great school year for both of your boys!
I wish there was a magic sauce. A homeschool parent willing to drive all over the earth, fight for enrollment in special coursework, and curating everything from online classes to mentors to peer interaction is definitely doing what it takes to honor their child’s gifts and fulfill their needs (My average week exceeds 200 miles and 60 hours of work for me). 80+ students come past me every Friday and field trip days during co-op that are in the same position. Sometimes their schools help or let them come to our classes for that enrichment and peer interaction. Sometimes they part-time school, sometimes they become so embittered in a system that sees them as kids with no special needs. It then takes a bit of unschooling and a lot of intervention to get them to not turn away from their gifts entirely. Of the children that homeschool, I do find their social skills and their enthusiasm for learning are more advanced than most of their school peers. My only fear for any of them is physical education if they are the kind that are naturally inclined.
I teach online (Wisconsin Connections Academy) and I’ve had many students who were not challenged enough in their local schools. Through the online program, they can go much faster than they did in their crowded classrooms, and I can push them farther and farther, higher and higher.
Can you tell I enjoy my GT students? I especially love seeing their shock when I say “You can do better. Let’s see it.”
Kim, I could not agree more with your comments.
The assumption that families can afford to send their children to private schools or homeschool them “enables” school districts in shortchanging gifted students. Families who cannot afford these options or CHOOSE to keep their children in public schools often lose out, unless their parents or a parents advocacy group can work hard to encourage access to an appropriate education.
Kim, Thanks for sharing! It really helps a mom like me who is reliving your story! Even as recent as a year ago, when our son’s principal called our son an anomaly, I believed we were all alone with the only child in the world like ours, and it was our fault he was not excelling in school. Reading your story shows me I’m not alone. I will be following and sharing your blog!
“You can do better. Let’s see it.” A lot of gifted kids don’t hear that nearly often enough–after all they already meet or exceed most “stanards.”
If our area didn’t have the number of enrichment courses that kids could take outside of school, I would put money on the fact that our test scores would not be as high as they are. These test scores are coming from families who pay to have their children learn to their level. All done outside of the classroom. Oh, but don’t you even think that the school district doesn’t use that to their advantage when promoting the district as a whole.
THANK YOU! Found this blog through the IAGC link, and I am so glad that I clicked on it.
I am going through what seems the never-ending issue of not focusing, dis-organization and not following directions. We could use some strategies to help my 2nd grade son – but to date have only been asked by his teachers to talk to him about the behavior.
He does not need medication, he’s had neuropsychological testing that concluded that his above behaviors were not ADHD but rather related to intellectual giftedness that was not being addressed by the school (had to find every euphemism for “bored”, without saying the word – bored).
Have you had any experience with this, and any advice on how to help my guy be a “better student” by the teacher’s definition? I am failing here, as I cannot find a way to help him. Thanks in advance for any support!
I’m glad you clicked, too. I’m sorry you’re “anonymous” as I might have offered a phone call to you. Check out SENG http://www.sengifted.org/, the Davidson Institute http://www.davidsongifted.org/, Hoagie’s Gifted (I’m getting lazy, so you’ll have to Google it). Consider private school or homeschooling. Yeah, really.
Your comment in interesting in that I was recently called in to talk about my son’s behavior and like you, the message to me was not, “Why is your son acting like this?” but rather, “we’re concerned that your son’s bad attitude in affecting other students.” Of course, it wasn’t put quite like that, and the call didn’t come until he was in the upper reaches of elementary school, but still…
I’d love to hear all your euphemisms for boredom. It’s hard to avoid the B-word.
I’d press the teacher for her definition of a better student. Compliance does not equal learning. Most teachers have a limited background in gifted ed and expect gifted or highly gifted students to act a certain way–eager, always paying attention, etc. This is often NOT the case, though.
Pop back in if you have more questions!
Sorry that I went the Anon route, I’ve come out here now because I doubt that my son’s school is scouring the blog-sphere to find solutions! And thanks for the links. I have been reading SENG, Hoagies and Davidson. I’ve also attended some SENG seminars on this as well as ones from IAGC. The take away was always to get an active plan together with the teacher and work on one thing at a time. Unfortunately, I’m running out of ideas and the school has never had any.
I read your post about getting your boys tested and the range of emotions, worried that maybe only you could see their talents. And I read it to my husband, because it was exactly the same experience that we had. How are we the only ones seeing this? How can the teacher only comment about being able to follow directions, does she not see that he’s memorized the periodic table? FOR FUN?
It was explained to us that my youngest falls into the sliver of the bell curve that makes him a rarity but not creating-cold-fusion-in-the-garage level. It’s not just the outside testing, but the MAPS testing yields the same result. Teachers just seem bent on getting him to conform & I don’t want him to conform. His clinical came back as not ADHD, yet they seem to want to point to his inattentive behavior as the topic of discussion when I want to focus on him being challenged.
How do you ask the most basic question of the teacher without offending? “Have you had any experience with a highly gifted child? Have you had training on differentiating lesson plans for gifted students?” I am almost afraid to say those words out loud. And I most definitely cannot talk to parents about this. I reached out to one other mom (whose child is also in the enrichment program) and she wanted nothing to do with me or the conversation. It was awkward!
When it comes to avoiding the B-word, in the past I have tried to phrase things so as to imply it. “He often moves onto other interesting topics at home too, when he senses that what he’s doing is review”. “I find it hard to motivate him to complete assignments that he has decided, in his mind, that he has mastered”. “He’s not eager to read the Treasure’s series, I think it is because he loves details when learning and the more obscure the detail, the more interested he is.”. To me, these are all the same statement. He isn’t cooperating with your assembly-line lesson plan because what you have handed him is BORING.
I’ve read many of your past articles, and just wanted to say thanks. We feel lost at sea at times, but it is comforting to know there are others just as frustrated. The gifted school near us (30 miles away) is 25K annually (ZOINKS!) and I have no idea where to start with homeschooling. Looks like I need to hit more research in my spare time(chuckle).
Again, thanks for being a wonderful resource.
Hi KLB,
You’ve hit a raw nerve with me because I’ve heard so many of those things, but my son was not troublesome or figgedty (sp?), but instead I heard. HE’S FINE, which I eventually learned only meant he wasn’t causing problems. I’ll give you a sneak peek on a post that has been brewing in my mind for nearly a decade (I really should just keep a journal)- the principal who looked and my son’s score–and then me- asking “What should we do now?” later “resigned” and the last time I saw him he was ringing me up at Trader Joes. One of the most surreal experiences of my life. I strongly suggest you connect with Jen Merrill of the Laughing at Chaos blog. Tell her I sent you. 😉 And strongly consider homeschooling. Really.
We do some combination of homeschooling and public schooling. If we had a Montessori school on our neighborhood I’d pay for it in a minute. Sadly we only have religious schools if we don’t want to go to the public school. I keep them in public school because I want them to have that experience, but I’m keenly aware that they are not getting what they need. I don’t even bother to talk to the teachers because they don’t care at all. Our girls test well so these are easy students for them to have. Your comment about pulling up the bottom should just be considered the mission statement of today’s public education.